Dear Hater

Dear Hater,

I recognize that my timing was poor and I probably could have handled the situation better. I get that you’re hurt, and I understand that bitching about me while looking surly and pretending to smoke is about all you can bring yourself to do these days. I know that it’s fun to shoot me down when I try to take the first step toward reconciliation. These are all part of the healing process, and I assure you that I don’t hold your actions against you. I do, however, have some friendly advice for you:

1. Gossiping about me only makes you look bad.
You may revel in trying to poison my relationship with my friends. You may even believe you have won in your own way by lying about me behind my back and attempting to get my friends to resent me. The fact is, though, that my friends are smart enough not to simply take your word for it and if they aren’t, well, I don’t really care that they buy into your spin. I have not attempted to argue back over this matter purely out of respect for you and your situation. Do not mistake my courtesy for guilty silence.

2. Get over her.
I told you this before, and I’ll tell you this again: Choosing to wallow in your self-pity is neither healthy (for you) nor productive. Accept that she is not with you any more. I know it’s easier said than done, but in order to heal, you need to actually make an effort to come to terms with things. You choose your happiness, and choosing to be heartbroken over a girl for the long haul does not make you brooding and mysterious; it makes you pathetic and petulant. Real men feel pain, but they deal with it in a way that is not juvenile. Grow up and face the facts: She is gone, but you’ll find someone else.

3. Accept responsibility.
This is probably your biggest problem. It’s easy to blame others for failed relationships; we’ve all been there. However, the truth of the matter is that except in rare exceptions, the fault lies with both parties. What I’m getting at, of course, is that you’re not innocent in all of this. She is not a bitch who left you for nothing. You were not the perfect boyfriend who was simply under-appreciated, and, sadly, unless you change your attitude you never will be. Grow up, stop blaming other people for everything, and take an honest look at what you could have done so you don’t make the same mistakes again.

Furthermore, I am not the reason you didn’t get back together with her. I also said this to you before: You didn’t work out for a reason, and unless you make changes to your attitude and behavior before attempting to reconcile with her, you have no hope of things working out a second time. You were unwilling to make the effort, and so you didn’t get the girl. My presence in the situation did nothing to undermine you. The fact is that your attitude needed (and needs) rectifying, and, to my understanding, you still do not get this.

I don’t hate you, hater. On the contrary, I wish we could get past this and be friends. I offer you this advice not to put you down; no, I genuinely care about your emotional health, and I know (from experience, no less) that you’re not going down a path to recovery. I hope you do choose to at least consider my advice, and I want you to know if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. I’m sorry things had to be this way, and I hope we can eventually get past all this.

Sincerely,
Andrew

Posted on Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009